Be The Man You Want To Be

Women rights. Equality. Gender relations Steps are being taken to advance the march of women, but what about men? What message are we sendi...

How To Become A Better Happier Man

Women rights. Equality. Gender relations Steps are being taken to advance the march of women, but what about men? What message are we sending about what it takes to 'be a man'?

How To Become A Better Happier Man
How To Become A Better Happier Man

Browse the pages of most magazines for men, search the Internet or take a walk through your local bookstore and you'll probably find out that most of the content written for men is about being macho, being strong and dominating others. Recently, this has been changing a bit. The new hot topic has to do with the "new masculinity", or be the boy of the new sensitive age (SNAG).

I grew up in the ghetto. He was surrounded by women who hated men. Some of these women hit me with belts. While they beat me, they told me it was bad because I was a child. Despite all this, I have always wanted to have a world where men and women had the power to create something bigger and where everyone received care and care. A world where we were not defined by our gender. A world that included everyone. A world that nobody excluded. However, when I looked around, there really were no role models to show this different possibility. So, I tried to be what I thought was supposed to be a man. I tried to do it right and fit.
Fast forward a few years. I was living in Santa Barbara. I had my own chiropractic practice and was getting ready to open my second office. I was engaged to a woman that everyone thought was perfect for me. And yet, I was miserable. Our relationship was not built on mutual honouring. There was no vulnerability, no allowance. In reality, she hated me. In truth, I never looked at what I desired in life or in a relationship. I was fulfilling my obligation as a man to find the perfect woman and then give up myself to make her happy and it all left me wanting to die.
Today, 17 years later, here I am, alive and well. I wake up every morning, grateful to be alive, wondering what today’s adventures will bring. How did I get here, from wanting to die to fully living? What created the change? In a word, choice. Choice is something we all have. Choice can change anything and everything. Choice is your greatest gift. And yet, until someone came along and reminded me that I had choice, I gave mine up. If you are anything like me, if you have given up your choice, if you have given up You, now is the time to remember.
Now is the time to know that there is something else possible, to recognise that you contribute by your very presence. To know that just because you don’t fit some image of what others say a man is supposed to be, you are not wrong. Someone else’s idea of who you are supposed to be is nowhere big enough for who you really are. It’s time to stop pretending to be something you’re not, and just get to be you. It’s so easy to be you.

The return of the gentleman is all about that. It’s about being the best we can be as men. It’s about acknowledging our greatness with no shame, no wrongness and no apologies. It’s the place of honouring everyone. It’s where you honour you. You honour women. You honour kids. You honour your commitment. You honour our future as a planet. Being a gentleman is about including everything and judging nothing. Yes, even you! Especially you.
If you would like to choose to be you, if you are interested in a new take on what it means to be a man, a true gentleman, here are 4 tips for you.

Ask the question: "What would make me happy?”

We are not taught to choose for ourselves. We are not taught to ask, “What would make me happy?” In fact, we are taught the opposite. Give up you. Consider everyone else. Sacrifice for the good of others. Have you ever noticed this doesn’t actually work? You are a gift to the planet. You are a contribution to everyone you meet. When you cut off any part of you in order to make someone else happy, we all lose out.
If you desire to be a gentleman, you have to start including You in the creation of your life. What do you desire? What makes you happy? What makes you come alive? Whatever it is, do those things. Choose those things. When you honour you and choose for you, everyone around you benefits.

Trust Yourself And Your Ability

Do you trust yourself as a man? For most men, that is a resounding no. From early on you get the projected lack of trust from mothers, sisters, aunts, and all females because they see what they have come to define as true: they can’t trust men. All too often, you buy that point of view and come to believe that you as a man cannot be trusted.
No matter how much someone else may be judging you, that judgment cannot affect you when you have value and trust for you. It’s only when you don’t value and trust you that you believe that the judgments of others are true.
Start to see that you have value. Start to recognise that you contribute. Acknowledge that you are a gift to the world, just as you are; not as anyone else says you should be. Start to trust you.

Be Grateful For Yourself

Real men like themselves. They are grateful for who and what they be. What if you woke up in the morning, looked at yourself in the mirror and had no judgment of You? What if you practiced gratitude for You – all the time. Even when you mess up. Even when others are unhappy with you. How much more fun would your life be if you could laugh at yourself when you do something stupid rather than taking yourself so seriously. Be willing to be you – unapologetically.
What we acknowledge grows bigger. When you start to focus on the things that you are grateful for, more of those things show up. A great way to be more aware of the amazing gift of you, is to start a gratitude journal and actually write down the things about you that you like and are grateful for.
Each day, write down 3-5 things. The first few days might be easy – or maybe not! We are so used to judging ourselves rather than choosing gratitude. As you choose to deliberately put your attention on what you admire about you, you will have more joy, more satisfaction and more of you.

Be Willing To Make Mistake

In case you have not noticed, perfectionism does not exist. This idea that we are supposed to have all the right answers and that we are supposed to always do well, leaves many men judging relentlessly.

What would happen if you were willing to do it wrong? What would happen if you were willing to make a mistake? What if you could laugh at yourself when you did it? When you are being you, you have total peace of mind no matter who you are. He is even easy with the "mistakes" he makes. The next time I say something stupid, what would happen if I could stop for a moment and instead of judging him, laughing at the stupidity he said and choosing to thank him?

Where did the gentleman go? We are still here. The more men know that it is good to be who they are, the more they choose to let go of the images that have been projected to them, the more they begin to appear. That's really what the gentleman's return is about. It's about you. Make clear what makes you happy. Begin to choose for you. Be willing to spoil it and make mistakes. Trust you and do not apologize for your kindness, care or power. When you allow yourself to be all of that, you become an invitation to something greater in the world. You become a gentleman